I · am · not · Zen

In Galaxies, you had to spend credits to fly from spaceport to spaceport. I would do just enough work to get me somewhere exciting sounding, and end up stranded, broke, sitting on the side of a launchpad in the middle of the night.

I do NOT have enough money to walk out of this job comfortably, especially with the stagnant local job market. So my options are: stick it out, or move halfway across the country. No positives.

I have never wanted out of a thing so badly in my life.

EDIT:

Talking to my boss about this yielded the following:
Me: "This job is boring as CRAP"
Boss: "That's crazy. You're crazy. This job is awesome"
Me: "..."
Boss: "Maybe you don't know what awesome is. Do you know? This job is awesome."
Me: "Alrighty then"

(...I know I posted this before, where did it go?)

So parking at this job is really weird.

Normally, you can pick up some of the habits of the workforce by watching the parking lot. I suppose that still holds true, but it implies strange things.

If I come in on time, the same amount of parking spaces are always filled. Come in two minutes early, and one extra row closer to the building will be open. Similarly, two minutes late means parking an extra row back. So people are very punctual, or at least very regular with their arrival times.
Even more eerily, the same cars will occupy the same spaces. I end up doing this, too. It's almost as if I have an assigned space. Walking from my car, I will see Jetta, GL, Tercel, Range Rover. Every day. Same pattern. Same license plates and bumper stickers.

Lunch also reveals an oddity: nobody seems to take it. If I leave for lunch, when I get back all the cars are either still, or returned to their spots. My spot is always still open. I never see the slow flood of people leaving for lunch, and there isn't the trickling back in from lunch that Im used to. So cars will be in the same spots from morning til leaving time.
Similarly, even trying to vary my leaving time, I rarely see other people leaving. I always feel like I'm leaving too early. So I stayed half an hour late one afternoon, and the parking lot was just about empty. So weird!

on a less emo note, do any of my friends have xbox live accounts? comment with your name if you want me to add you and maybe we can play something (i have lots o games :D)

OH, and of course I'm screening comments unless you say otherwise!

I don't know if it's a coincidence that I've been hearing lots of songs regarding heartbreak and loss the last few days, or if I always hear them and have only just noticed.

I'm sure most of you have heard my rants on the 'last four' issue before, but I thought I'd point out an amusing instance today:

On tmobile.com, using the 'chat live' feature. This feature is accessible AFTER you've logged in to 'my t-mobile', for support purposes.

Me: Hello, I have an issue with my phone
Chat Agent: I'd be glad to help you with your issue today, William.
Chat Agent: For security purposes, can I have the last four of your social security number so I can assist you with this issue?
Me: I'd rather not. How will that help you?

It went downhill from there. Let's consider the idea here. I'm already authenticated to their website as myself, I see my name and my billing information, and I click on 'support' then 'chat live'. Theoretically, it still knows who I am. So what is the assumption in her 'security purposes' line? The assumption is that she cannot trust the IM system, and believes I may be someone attempting to fraudulently access someone elses account. So she asks me for the glorious password-to-life, the last four of my social security number.
So she doesn't trust the system enough to help me with technical support, but I am supposed to trust the same system with my private information. See the issue?

From a technical standpoint, she doesn't trust it because my browser holds my information...maybe I did log in, then walked away, and someone else walked up to my logged-in browser and started using it! So I do 'get it', but I think their solution is ridiculous. I guess they can't assume that workstation security is YOUR problem, because that might open them up to a hastily-created lawsuit.

I need a nap. Why are cubicles so draining?

I'm considering doing an article or set of articles on freedom and employment, legal boilerplate and selling your soul (haha)

Consider the boilerplate that comes with my heavily-restricted version of windows media player at work:

Use of windows media player ("WMP") is provided primarily for
business-related activities, and all such activity is subject to
monitoring, recording, inspection and review.

Excessive use of wmp for personal use or for unathorized, unlicensed or
improperly licensed purposes may result in disciplinary action up to and
including termination.

That last "may result in" is tacked onto all the boilerplate notices here. I wonder a little if there's maybe not something in my handbook about posting this, lol

Ok, I got the bank of America job, starting on the 31st. Thus continues my record of good interview skills.

Now I can finally stop worrying about money, geez

My birthday gift to myself, apparently: my scale says I weigh 245 lbs today...which is ten less than when I bought it about a month ago

IT IS MY BIRTHDAY

I AM TWENTY-FOUR

JEM IS TRULY OUTRAGEOUS
TRULY, TRULY, TRULY OUTRAGEOUS

Samuel CAUGHT A BIRD
HOW DID HE DO THIS?! MY PORCH IS SCREENED IN!

I wake up today to a mystery.

My own experience with psychotherapy, however mild, only left me with a resentment for the field and a feeling that all doctors were smug assholes. Most of this was in retrospect.
But too often I read or hear firsthand stories from survivors of ridiculous treatments administered on children. I point to them, as to bloodletting, as to what somehow seemed 'sane' at one time, and consider it fair warning against the field today, even though we might not realise how ridiculous it is for years to come.

Anyhow, point of the post is this link: http://childtorture.wordpress.com/
Called 'Attachment Therapy', the accounts are frightening.

I broke a blood vessel in my eye today and didn't even realise it 'til I walked by the mirror.

Ahahaha
I save the email address of every person who has offered me a position in the last year, and I just sent my resume to all of them simultaneously :P

That means I got 56 job offers in 2007, wow.

So, Lis' post got me thinking...I wonder why some people share common dream types? There are apparently a lot of common dreams that people have..
So I was thinking about dreams I've had that are recurring:

The most common theme seems to be 'partial flight'. I'll get a plane, or some sort of flying ability, but it won't be foolproof. It'll mostly be me taking off then falling (safely but frighteningly) back to the ground, repeatedly.

There's also the basic falling dream, except I am usually to blame for the falling...for example, I drive too fast up a ramp and get way more height than I meant to, meaning I'm now high enough to fall fatally. I've had these dreams since I was maybe 6 or 7, and they usually result in me jolting awake pretty hard.

The typical 'late to class' kinda dream. Especially after my year in college, I'll have dreams where it suddenly occurs to me that I'd enrolled for this semester but forgot to go to class, or I'll get lost on campus looking for my class (another experience I actually had)

When I was little I had intense dreams about being nude in (semi-)public. It was usually in my home, only we'd have company or whatever. I don't think I've had one of these in over a decade.

Interestingly, I'll remember dreams IN dreams I'd previously forgotten. In my dream, I'll remember being in a place before, but I'd only been there in dreams.